hello everyone, meet my family...





b.

people in your past often
cared about what you did
& how you looked...

not many cared about
what you feel.

b.

these are self-taught lessons on the module
i had failed a couple of semesters ago:
self-realisation.

this semester's practical examination?
to fight out of self-imposed penance
brought on by self-pity.

somehow i veered off-course
& took an interest in self-restraint.

yes i know i'm running out of time,
energy, heart, & all things essential...
there just isn't anymore room for self-doubt.

i've already failed a couple of tests,
now everyone is vehemently yelling at me,
to dig deep & trust my self-knowledge,
to dig deep & find some self-respect.
that way i can find a way to topple absolutist lies.
- democracy has fallen back to totalitarianism.

this country is rulsed by self-righteous person(s)
who self-proclaim: selflessness.

when all this is over, will someone promise
to trial these person(s), a remake of nuremburg?

maybe this is just my self-induced coma,
silencing my higher consciousness,
only to be left to deal with my
self-consciousness.


this is a test, a duel of sorts,
between selfishness & self-love.

welcome ladies & gentlemen,
tonight we have an exciting match,
a sensual feast before your eyes -
emotional, mental, physical & visual
... of course with the occassional
loud screaming & a dash of vulgarities.

in the red corner, we have the lover:
standing only at 5ft but towers
over her opponent tonight...
the one who loves herself.

in the blue corner, we have another lover:
she came into the tournament with alot of heart,
but over the course of the last few matches,
she seems to have lost the bulk of it...
the one who needs to love herself.

it might very well be a knock-out
round tonight, folks.


where are you, my zahir?

b.

i saw you in my dreams,
it's been too long
to say hello...
even in my dreams.

do you need me,
like i need you?

i'm sleeping to
dream about you.

b.

Your anger is a story of self-indulgence
- each chapter with its own name, it's own label.
Each a byproduct of its fiery master, Anger.

A word constantly on the tip of my tongue,
hidden & playing up in my cheek...
I reserve for the worst of bitter winter days.
Even then I think twice, stumbling & tumbling over that word
- just one, but never once.

Since the beginning of time existed this word
- uttered & muttered, exemplified & personified.
Even Eve smelt its perfume, even Eve was lured in
... even Eve tasted its sweetness.

& even God could not save humanity from its clutches.

Some call it "sin", some call it "self-preservation".
It's all in the big thesaurus of perspective.
Yes, it almost always boils down to perspective.
Life is always just about p.e.r.s.p.e.c.t.i.v.e.

No friends, this isn't about perspectives
- neither yours, nor mine.
This is about Respect, or rather,
the lack of it, it's polar opposite.

Friends, may I present to you :
SELFISHNESS.

- Cue Applause -

Hello, & good evening everybody.
Thank you for taking the time off
yourselves to think about me -
you are much too kind.

Thank you also, dear Host,
for that delightful introduction.

As you all already know, my name is Selfishness.
Some of you recognise me, & most of you don't.
The rest of you just pretend i don't exist.

It's simply BECAUSE I exist that you
lead your comfortable little lives.
A world where everything that is
tangible HAPPENS to go your way.
Every choice, swayed in your very direction.

You have a choice, I am pro-choice.
Because I was borne out of your right to choose,
I am the darker side of your power to free will.

So...
deny it, or feign ignorance - even better for me.
That way, I know I have succeeded in my mission.

You run along seemingly endless walkways,
running, running, running in your deranged obsession.
Looking for answers to questions you don't understand.
Little did you know that you've been running in circles.
Thankfully I've blessed you with a 3 second memory
for anything other than yourself.

I've waited many millenia to be recognised like tonight.

Because I have been behind wars,
Because I have been behind strife,
Because I have been behind disloyalty,
Because I have been behind dishonesty,
Because I have been behind hypocracy,
Because I have been behind despair,
Because I have been behind criminals
- murderers, rapists, thieves, cheats.
I'm sure you know them all.

Oh, I could go on & on about me.
but I will make this short...
& not-so-very-sweet :

I HAVE BEEN BEHIND YOU.
each & every one of you.

Come on, don't look so surprised.
I have been living in your hearts
since its first whimpering beat.
I've been living next door to Love
- that gloating arrogant fool.

Always telling me that his home
is brighter than mine,
he has got more land than I do,
his garden is prettier than mine,
his white picket fences are
sturdier than mine.

What he doesn't see are the
levels & levels I have built,
that run deeper & deeper inside of you.

no, YOU CAN'T STOP WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE.
i know a thing or two about guerrilla warfare too.

Now you've seen my face,
you've heard my voice.
& you have now learnt my story.
This is a coming out of sorts.
Do you now know who I am?
Will you recognise me as you pass me by?
& if you do, will you feign ignorance,
as you have already done all your lives?
or will you come up to me & shake my hand?
Maybe some of you will attempt to persecute me,
just SOME... try to catch me if you can.
this is a challenge.

Do you know who I am?

My name is Selfishness.
Remember it, & remember it well.

b.

maybe you're all right...
claiming i view the world
behind my rose tinted glasses.

but at least i know one thing,
i will never fall into the trap of
having those glasses turn green.
you have.

say anything you like...
because you won't see me down.
only the nearest & the dearest will.
without judgement, malice, envy,
or pre-conceived souped up notions.

no, i'm not the strongest of them all
... but i know i'm not the weakest.

contrary to popular belief,
i am not indestructable.

contrary to unfounded belief,
good things don't just happen to
rain down from the sky into my lap.

but you see what you want to...
it's all going to be green anyway,
(ir)regardless of what i say.

i think i like it pink...
care for some bubbly, anyone?
yes, life is like a party to me,
& i party like a rockstar.


you can call it gumption,
call it anything you want.

b.

b.

hello oh hello
i've been here before
where the nights are long
& there's blood on the floor.

oh hello,
you look familiar too.
has it been so long
since i last saw you?

welcome to the devil's workshop, you say.
where idle hands & broken hearts are the day.
let me take your weary soul from you
you don't need it, your heart's already turned blue.

hello oh hello
is this what i'm here for?
do you want my soul?
is it tainted like before?

oh hello,
do you want my broken heart too?
since you said i don't need it,
it's already turned blue.

welcome to the devil's workshop, you say.
where idle hands & broken hearts are the day.
let me take your weary soul from you
you don't need it, your heart's already turned blue.

oh is it my imagination?
or is it just a complication?
will we get rectification?
or just wait for salvation?

hello oh hello
i've been here before
where the nights are long
& there's blood on the floor.

oh hello,
you look familiar too.
has it been so long
since i last saw you?


b.

it is a long way down,
but the wrong way up.

persecuted without trial.
there is no pride or
strength left in me
to hold my head up.

small enough to be...
ironically, big enough.
metaphorically.

are you happy now?

have you healed yourself
now that you've hurt me?

idle hands & broken hearts.

thanks, gen.

b.