Monday, May 28, 2007

from past experience...
of which i have had many,
i have learnt to read the signs
that life puts up for me along
the beaten path.

it's a signal when...
old friends make a return,
& new friends come from
unexpected places.

i know. i know. i know.

b.

my everything & nothing at 5:32 PM |a

Saturday, May 26, 2007

there are very few things
i have ever regretted in my life.
i had never believed in the word,
regret... never.

that is... up till now.


hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite.
that's all you are...

*note to self :
boo, you believe in karma.
it is dispensed when it is due.

b.

my everything & nothing at 11:25 PM |a

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

if i look deep inside of me,
will i find the answer i seek?

will it be the answer
you want to hear?
will it be the answer
i will have to pay for
simply because you
don't want to hear it?
will it be the answer
i think i already know?

maybe it's already there...
staring me dead in the eyes,
but i just don't want to
admit that it's there -
i've been turning a blind eye,
but for how long... how long?

i've been twisting & turning
in a space that's too small.

b.

my everything & nothing at 11:16 PM |a

Sunday, May 20, 2007

whether it's the sunshine,
whether it's the rain,
doesn't make a difference,
till you complain.
whether it's the water,
coming in from the roof,
does it piss you off that
you're not water proof?

whether you fall means
nothing at all...
it's whether you get up,
it's whether you get up.


i promise that one day
i will muster the courage.
i will gather my troops
once i plan my attack.

i will find it in me...
i will muster the courage.

i will get up... & i will,
once again stand taller
than the trees around me.

just you see...

b.

my everything & nothing at 5:20 PM |a

Saturday, May 19, 2007

chapter #1,082,645

the world is round -
what goes around is
sure to come around.


today i set in stone
that the obstacles
i had faced in life,
for the sole purpose
of learning lessons
had not gone to waste.

today i ironed out
another dog-earred
page of my book.
closure is never
too late.

today i said things
i never thought i
would have said...
because saying them
would mean acceptance.

today i accepted the
hand life dealt for
the hand that chose it
... even though i had
long seen that hand
long before i showed it.

but boo being boo,
people don't have
to know until...
i want them to.


there's only us,
there's only this.
forget regret or
life is yours
to miss.

no other road,
no other way,
no day but
today.

no other way...
i would never
have wanted it
any other way,
any other time,
any other place.

an us instead
of a them.

indeed.


i will learn...
someday, sometime
(preferably soon),
to muster my own
courage.


hello annette,
i'm really glad to
have met you...
i know we've got
alot of work &
catching up to do.
thank you.

b.

my everything & nothing at 12:18 AM |a

Thursday, May 17, 2007

i have been checking off items
in the long list of "to-do's",
passed down for months -
ok i'm lying... years actually.

i have been furiously punching
in the numbers i have pretended
to have once forgotten.

the dam in my brain is now open,
being flooded by thoughts,
my little dam conveniently
kept out of my everyday's.

... surprisingly, everyday i say,
"surf's up".


it's different, but i'm dealing.
it's scary, but i'm excited.
it was all wrong, but it's all right.

golly, how things have changed.

oh, you're such a big girl now.

yes, i am.

b.

my everything & nothing at 6:00 PM |a

Monday, May 14, 2007

i can.
i will.
i must.

b.

my everything & nothing at 4:13 PM |a

Monday, May 07, 2007

it almost usually takes nothing
for it to mean everything...
it always means everything
to end up feeling nothing.

i'll try to hide the bruises
& go on pretending...
how long will it take
before you start listening?

it's always the darkest
before the dawn breaks...
i can't help but agree.
now that i've lived it out
on life's widescreen plasma.


but it's nice to have my
old friends back.

it's nice to reminisce.

it's nice to laugh like
nothing has happened,
no feelings untainted.

i'm laying down the dessert fork.


this is my quarter-life crisis

... & only i know why.

b.

my everything & nothing at 3:45 PM |a

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

i should be more...
i should be less...
i could've...
i should've...


maybe you should say
you should be less of you
... & more of me.

b.

my everything & nothing at 8:39 PM |a