yes, life does comes with
a full bucket of shit...
but there are moments where
life is kind & drops a
present in your lap -
ribbons & all.

this is one of those times.

i could get used to waking
up in the mornings with you
by my side, all ready with a kiss,
your hands through my hair -
my personal alarm clock.
we'll roll around in bed,
playing tussle & hookie.

i could get used to stepping
out of the shower to see
breakfast on the table.
vanilla creme & museli,
with fruits on the side -
just the way i like it.

i could get used to holding
you while you're packing
my lunchtime munch...
taking off with a little bit
of you & a whole lot of love
in my laptop bag.

i could get used to your
hand on my lap while i drop
you off at the gym on my way
to the office.

i could get used to grinning
like an idiotic bobcat...
my friends appreciate you
for that.

& most of all...
i could get used to the look
in our eyes & they way they shine.

it's like you're on e bay!

life is easier because
you put a smile on my face.

b.

i thought i had lost
the keys to the doors
of my heart a long,
long time ago...
but there you were beside me,
at the most unexpected place,
at the most unexpected time.

you emptied your pockets,
& you found the keys...
you didn't even have to
egg or shove me to the door.

thank you, bay, for everything.
for all the little things
we've always wanted
but never had.

you're amazing...
& i say this with wonder
& love behind those doors,
& a smile on my face.

please god, if you love me,
don't let this be but a
fleeting moment of a dream.

b.

today.

today we break off the shackles
that have bound us.
today we will be one of those couples
i hated watching with envious eyes.
today we will drop off the radar &
disappear into a world that is ours,
that no one can replicate.
today we dance like no one's watching
even though we know everyone is.
today we'll laugh at everything & nothing,
we've cried enough at everything & nothing.
today we'll secretly leave our baggages
at someone else's door & run off,
giggling like children.
today we love like we've never loved,
because we were never loved like today.

let's play, bay.

b.

out on a romp, determined to paint it all.



b.

affection is when she runs her fingers
through my hair to wake me up in time
for work every morning.

love is a phone call in the middle
of the afternoon just to check in on me
& tell me that i did good.

happiness is an enjoyable evening
- just me, my bay (... & sting-ray!)

note to self:
& to think you had thought
there is no place safe &...
no safe place to put your head.

b.

so much to say, but i'm trying to formulate
the right words to verbalise what i feel.
i'll try, but i can't guarantee i can find
the right words to.

as the old saying goes :
don't go looking for love,
it will come looking for you.

it's amazing, she came at 150km/h on my left
... & i obviously didn't check my blind spot.
i'm happy, friends, i am. finally.

& it all started out as... a blink.
amazing how life turned out.

like how after four long years,
we're all back together - the 3 tenors.
a little older, a little bit more scarred,
but happy & still good friends.

it was really great seeing u 2day.
loved seeing u so happy...
meeting jennifer was a real treat 2.
both of u had great energy.
in my business that's a rare treat
as mostly folks come 2 c me unhappy.
great (inner) work boo.
hang on2 this energy.
love 2 u both.

happiness is being with my bay (beh)...
finally your picture won't sit on
my desk any longer.



i know i'm still back logged with pictures
... don't rush me, they'll be up.

let's throw out the hotel comforter
& hang the "do not disturb" sign.

b.

have you ever gone through life
setting off at one specific point,
going a couple of rounds unknowingly
& returning back to the same place
you started off?

have you ever gone through life
& realised at some point how
twisted everything is?

god does have a rather strange
sense of humour.

do you know i'm trying not
to fall for you?

b.

more pictures of hong kong fun soon!



b.

& so it's over... faster than it began.

i'm on the airport express back home,
where i left a part of my heart...
yet i've left the other bits of me here
as the train pulled away from the
hong kong station.

at least this time i've got pictures
to remember your faces...
at least this time i've had time
to flood my mind with memories...
at least this time i've got jokes
to laugh at on my way home...
at least this time i've come
one step closer to my dream...
at least this time i answer
to people who're proud of me...
at least this time i've got bags
- i am once again capable.

at least this time i left people
who truly love & care for me,
to go home to some more people
who truly love & care for me.

*note to self :
you are blessed, boo,
you are.

b.

rather funny, life, & the many twists & turns
one inadvertently makes on this journey.
being on the airport express to kowlooon
was almost like seeing my own journey
from a third person's perspective -
the various stops, i have taken.

i digressed, but back to the airport express...
this is one in my numerous trips back home,
but the third time this year alone.

i was reliving memories of me as a child,
feet barely touching the ground whilst sitting
on the same seats i'm sitting on now,
marveling at the sights that passed me by.
my, so much has changed since then -
my feet touch the ground, i'm not with the folks,
the scenery's all different & it doesn't interest
me all that much anymore, anyway.

// i was unassuming.

i relived memories of me as an angsty,
rebellious teenager, lost & unaware.
having been dragged out of a life i had known,
with nothing to call my own.

// i was uncertain.

i relived memories of my first trip this year,
i was excited & eager to regain my footing.
it was comforting to see the familiar sights,
smell the familiar scents, walk the familiar paths.
it was a rather challenging time back then...
but being home gave me back some perspective.
it brought back to life a part of myself
that i had once known.

// i was unknowing.

i relived memories of my second trip this year,
it was full of anticipation, excitement & fervor.
there was a face i wanted to see...
a hand i had wanted to hold.

// i was unrelenting.

now, as i sit & type this in the airport express,
after the world has spun around & swirled
in the washing machine of life...
i find myself intact, the colours didn't run
& the reds didn't bleed onto my whites.
it looks to me as if i'd become smarter -
i'd learnt to separate the colours from
the whites, blacks & towels.

// i am undaunted.

with my moral compass still (unfortunately or not)
working completely well & maybe even on overdrive,
i know what i want, but i also know who i am...
& no one, especially & more importantly, you,
will ever be able to take that away from me,
even at the cost of what i want.

the difference between you & i, biatch?
i know that even if i don't ever get my greatest wish,
i have family & friends who love me as i am...
& i am the biggest rockstar in their eyes
(& you, are nothing, in mine).

& for that, i am happy...

i am loved, i am happy & i have a secret.

b.

looking back at some pictures
of women past, present & future
makes me wonder if i have a sign
around my neck that reads :



b.

i don't know why you look to me.
there is no shelter under this
tattered old umbrella of mine.

maybe my disclaimers come as a
stern warning from experience -
that i have once said those words
your lips have sung lately...
& i still bear the scars of the
explosive shrapnel of those words
i once chose to use.

i'd never want you to be inflicted
with that same fate.

maybe i'm just tired & jaded...
but can you blame me?

one too many people have left,
only leaving footprints that are
slowly being washed away in time.

one too many people let me fall,
so much for the promise of safety.

one too many people let me down,
i've been drowned in darkness -
from the lies, the deceit.

i can't promise you can break
through the front lines &
infiltrate the fort.

little girl,
who do you think you are,
barging in on me & my guitar?

b.

what i'd really like for christmas... yum.

b.

when it's over
is it heaven...
or is it hell?

b.

the gig at thumper last night
went surprisingly well...
albeit some large speed humps
along the way.

last night made me realise
that i'm the most alive &
at my happiest whenever
i'm walking along the edge.
the closer the better.

i left the wild child at
your door when i walked in.
but i guess this is who
i always was, & will be.

boo is grateful for good friends,
a happy soundman, affection,
a bouquet of beautiful flowers,
midnight specials at the bar,
tequila girls, handphones,
prom kings & drama queens.

i leave you with some random
snippets of conversations
which hit some heart strings.

nope, just like to see u happy.

all i wish you can feel is the love
from the whole fridae family which you
might not have experienced previously.

you very super star lor
you spice up the lesbian scene in fridae
... the most wanted single!

people in the past cared abt
what you did and how you looked.
but they very seldom cared about
how you felt.

it baffles me how someone so cool,
can well, end up in situations like that.

QCboooooo

don't fly too close to the sun.

b.