kids would cry because they
didn't want to be the thief
in a game of police & thief.

every child has fantasized about
being "someone", the "hero",
the one name the world knows -
what i've come to call,
"the hero complex".

i met my obi-wan kenobi today,
& i sat there, listening intently
to stories about me that i've
once known, once embraced,
... once remembered.

as he recounted each & every one
of my numerous (mis)adventures,
i could feel him beam with pride...
a pride that only a father & mentor
could have for his child(ren)...
despite each grievance i've once caused,
each mess i've created but never cleared,
each round of disappointment i dispensed,
each window i broke, each page i tore,
each heart i've ever shattered,
each life i've sacrificed.

he painted out my legacy before my eyes
& so it was, at that very moment...
when all of time stood still for us,
that i understood i was truly bigger
than my venti tre, my vingt trois,
my dreiundzwanzig, my twenty three.

i once played out anakin skywalker.
could i be luke this time around?

my hero complex.

b.

a part of me dies everytime
i think about how you let me go,
about why you let me go...
& then i live all over again
when i relive our memories
in my head.

i would fall asleep only
in hopes of dreaming.

b.

there will be a time in your life
where nobody can help you -
not you, not your friends,
not even your mother.

maybe she was right.

why do i always have to be
pushed down to my knees?

b.

have some requests for my songs,
so here goes :

all about you

once upon a starry night

i'd almost forgotten

on the planet's edge

the master of

the broken girl from hong kong


chinese songs (don't laugh) :

wo bu zai hu

wei he shang tong


songs still in the pipeline :

hey mom

sleepwalking in paradise

(a super raw) of neckaches & heartbreaks


songs from pittstop :

drops of jupiter

seven nation army


instructions for use

1. choose which song you'd like to hear,

2. to play just click the link,

3. to download right click the link
& choose "download linked file"
(or something to that extent),

4. enjoy... but remember...
no song on this site should be used
for commercial purposes or reproduced
without written permission.

stop piracy & support local music -
sleep with the singer!

b.

are all the details in our lives
a series of well-planned events,
that is remarkly well-thought over?
right down to the shortest moment,
every thought, word, sight, sound,
feeling?

that nothing, well, virtually nothing
is ever just an accident?

then, if that really is so...
aren't we really just pawns
in the larger scheme of things?

i am no power ranger.

witness the greatest coverup
the world has ever known...
L I F E.

b.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
hello, beautiful.



b.

stand on the balcony & wave goodbye
as i break off the shackles which
YOU have brutally imprisoned
me with for the last 435 days...
work backwards & you'll know who.

i hope you wince as i walk away
with the largest smirk on my face,
the smirk that you, of all people,
would know its meaning -
that i have won.

nonetheless, i'm still trying hard to
resist the temptation of stabbing you
with a dessert fork.

all those stories you've weaved,
you cast that net of deceit & lies,
trawling in innocent little fishes
only to bring them back to your lab to
be mutated into your mindless minions.

all the lies you forced down my throat,
you shackled me to the wall after
serving your potent cocktail :

1 part manipulation,
1 part selfishness,
2 parts seeming innocence,
laced with a lug of lies.

i've a list of small crimes to my name,
but you had to persecute 2 innocents...
without any trace of guilt.

how long can you cover one lie
with another & yet another?

just as the truth unfolded before
the eyes of a select few of us,
it will in time to everyone else.
i will be patient, & trust me,
i WILL laugh the loudest.

justice will be served, just you see.

so go, enjoy yourself before
you have to pay it forward.

b.

i am sincerely sorry for
doing a harry houdini.

this has come to be a
common theme in reloaded
after coming back from
my little hiatus :

+
one too many thoughts -
of life, love, fate & choice.

+
a series of little dramas -
all too common in my life.

+
a storybook of dreams -
both broken & not.


t, our photograph still sits
on my desk in the new office.
there are so many questions,
there are so many things
i'd like to tell you.

why do i still hold onto this
hope that you'd waltz back
into my life & dance with me
like we were never afraid?


g, how much am i willing to lose?
how much am i willing to sacrifice?
how much am i willing to pretend?
how much am i willing to give up?
how much am i willing to lie?
both to you & to myself?

not much, i'm afraid...
& along with this fear comes
another shattered dream.

welcome, ladies & gentlemen
to my casino of dreams...
where champagne is on tap,
high rollers are a dime a dozen,
bets are by the thousands,
losses are a daily affair...

& i... i clean up the messes
after the lights dim down,
the plastic smile is removed,
the loaned tuxe is returned,
the tables are folded down
& the music stops.

all that's left are the cuts
on my hands from picking shards
& the dust on my shoulders...

& do it all over again tomorrow.


boo, to love you is to let you be.
... to have you is to set you free.

i couldn't have found
better words.


b.