some pictures from the office...





what boo's been oh-so-busy with...



b.

save me from the nightmares,
that are my own.

i'm covered in rain...

*note to self:
i think you're just tired.
i think you're just stressed.
i think you're just overworked.
i think you're falling deeper.
i think you're just scared.

b.

last night was just absolutely crazy
... but then again, which night isn't?
sat down briefly with faithfoo & jerry,
catching up over chivas & water.
oh, i've missed that girl.

then kidnapped upstairs to attica too,
facing jugs of vodka & (more) whisky.
more action from the podium whores.

why do you always take that
one little baby step toward me,
& you turn & run away?

don't you know you're safe with me?

oh yes sue, i get what you mean
about a fierce kindda sexy...
i saw it last night.

note to self:
everytime you crawl out of bed
with a royal hangover,
you swear by your life
you'll never do it again...
but you always do -
over & over again.

b.

why couldn't i just be happy
to work for someone else...
slaving it out within my own
designated job description -
go to work, go out, go home,
& wait for the end of the month
to receive my cheque with
thankful, open palms?

i'm now slogging it out -
working, painting, scrubbing,
organising, fixing, cleaning...
basically playing contractor.
& i bring home minimal pay
to pay for everything else
but me.

i have a thankless job.

my only consolation is sitting
back in the office late at night,
letting out a long deep sigh...
& saying, "this is all mine".

my only asset at the moment.

one word from you made me
lose my breathe for a minute...
ditto...

have i ever told you that
i'm crazy about you?

well, i am.

b.

hanah hanah... you all know this already.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you
because you are so straightforward.
You are an efficient problem solver because
you will listen to both sides of an argument
before making a decision that usually appeals
to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic.
When you are in love, you will do anything
and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet
the right person. And you believe you will
pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively.
The opposite sex finds this very attractive,
and that's why you'll always have admirers
hanging off your arms.
But how serious are you about choosing
someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life.
You want to study hard and learn
as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve
as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy
are those that let you burn off your
considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful
in your chosen career and nothing will
stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control.
Sometimes you show your anger to cover up
how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence.
You are unpredictable, with moods changing
as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally
be calm and still, but never for long.

b.

you asked at the door today,
"what do you want?"...
through that smile & our laughter,
i knew you were serious.
i could see it in your eyes,
i could hear it in your voice.

i want you, but above all,
i want you to be happy.
that even if it's not me,
i'd still want the same...
for you to be happy.

but till it comes down to the crunch,
i will keep trying to make you happy.
for that is my wish for you.

i want you to be happy...
even if i have to pay for it
(not literally, of course).

why're we so frightened to say,
what we both already know?
why're we so scared to see,
what our hearts have to show?
why're we afraid to feel...
more than we think we should?

i know deep down inside,
you & i both loved...
what you & i spoke of,
& others just dream of.

b.

i love the person i am when you're around.
i love to watch you... it just makes me smile.
i love the way you make me laugh the loudest.
i love how you always have the best intentions.
i love holding you & smelling of you after.
i love how we stare each other in the eyes.
i love watching you sleep in the taxicab.
i love the sound of your voice...
& your laughter that rings in my head.
i love picking you up in the mornings.
i love making & delivering breakfast.
i love sending you "care packages".
i love your head on my shoulder.
i love our 50m "money dashes".
i love the way you look at me.
i love falling asleep with you.

i'm sleeping to dream about you.

b.

mr mraz was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G last night.
i thoroughly enjoyed the concert...
albeit having to endure crummy seats
due to last minute information...
& t's guilt trips for it! ha.

oh, how he sang our song so perfectly.
i'll always remember the smile you gave.

b.

please, stay with me...

& you did.

b.

last night was the longest i've slept again
in almost a year now...
last night was the safest i've felt again
in the longest of times...
even in uncertain circumstances,
& even more uncertain words.

actions ultimately speak louder than words,
unencumbered, numbered words... i guess.

i won't dwell or dissect it too much...
because i think it will get me nowhere.
i don't want to let this moment pass me by,
even if it ultimately is... just a moment.

these are, to me, a collection of moments
i will forever keep close to my heart...

i could fall flat on my face, & it wouldn't matter.
because the fact of the matter is that i was brave
enough to jump & enjoy that moment of falling,
taking in all the sights on my way down.

lian, you never cease to amaze me,
& i adore you for the things you say
... because more often than not,
you're always right.

this is the glory of, the story of love.
there is no glory in hiding. not anymore.

till 17/03... sing it, mr mraz...
ah la la la la la life is wonderful...
ah la la la la la life goes full circle.

b.

i'm walking down the empty streets,
& i realise i'm skipping beats
at the thought of you...
well, here comes blushing cheeks.

it's 3am & i'm not asleep...
thinking about the thoughts to keep,
& it's no surprise...
but they're all about you.
they're all about you...
all about you.

there's so much about you,
so much about you.
do you know that time
crawls without you.
there's so much about you,
too much about you.
it's getting hard
trying not to adore you.

i've been staring down at my feet,
wondering when my phone will beep.
forgive me ma'am,
but i think i miss you.

i'm listening to that song
about dancing.
it's true you know,
the part about believing.
& whadda i know?
i'm believing in you...
believing in you.

there's so much about you,
so much about you.
do you know that time
crawls without you.
there's so much about you,
too much about you.
it's getting hard
trying not to adore you.

... but i do.

b.

and if i cry a little, die a little...
at least i know i've lived.. just a little.

b.

it's good sitting down with old friends,
because they always go great lengths to
pull you out of ruts you've dug yourself into
(even though you've dug your heels deep),
are unafraid to be brutally honest to you
allowing you to see the biggest picture, &,
are brave enough to bash your head in
just to wake your stupidest ideas.

boo, why does it kill you so much to fall
when your heart knows exactly what it wants?

where is my boo? the one i've known & loved?
the one who used to run T O W A R D S danger,
despite being clearly warned otherwise...
just for the fun of it, to see what happens?
the one who used to laugh after every fall,
who'd just stand up, & brush off her shoulders.

when you fall in love, boo, the keyword is "fall".
my dear, why would it kill you so much to fall?
you're walking into a casino wanting to win,
but not willing to put a bet on the table.

you need to learn to forgive your own mistakes,
& for the mistakes of others' against you.
don't cloud the perfect picture with darkness
of your own or that which you have created.

yes, you gave yourself a chance to fall...
but you & i both know that you never did,
even though for that one instance,
thankfully you never did.

but this time, can you live with yourself
if you run just at the POSSIBILITY of falling?
stop saying "probability" instead of "possibility".

you used to have that edge, that passion,
an undying zest for life & love.

where are you now?

b.

i know the skies are friendly because
of my two favourite singapore girls!



b.

today got off to a promising start,
(albeit the fact i got up at 530am)
with a few stolen minutes with t
for a taxi ride & breakfast...
followed by a mid morning stroll,
running errands & going shopping
along a very quiet orchard road
- just me & my nano...

leaving me quite a bit of time
to ponder about my 20,499,076
questions about my four words
for 2006 - life, love, fate, choice.

& then a cheery wakeboarding
session with my faithfoo & friends,
haunted by a pair of white speedos
(please, i beg you... just don't ask),
monkeying around, eating, talking,
evening out my strange tanlines,
& being complete idiots.

i.e. mee kiah & mee pok were having
a very heated arguement & mee pok
hit mee kiah, but mee kiah managed
to run away.

the next day, mee pok saw maggie mee
& he went straight over & attacked him.

when he was done, he turned to
maggie mee & said,
"you think you perm your hair,
i don't recognise you?!!!!".

oh, good lord...
these people are your FRIENDS, boo?!

i was smiling all day on my board,
through my bunny hops, wakejumps,
backscratcher & fashion air attempts,
falls (both the good & bad ones -
which left me very badly winded.
t h a n k y o u v e r y m u c h )

... & my faithfoo brought up that she'd
never seen me the way i was today
at ease were the words she used.

& i guess she's hit the nail on the head.
there's no other place i'd much rather be
at this point in time.

now, i'm sitting in the silence of G.I,
pondering in hindsight about things
that have past in months & years,
getting lost in my own darkness
all over again.

i'm wondering if i've built my walls
much much too high, or,
if i've denied thoughts &/or emotions
too much for much too long,
yet i've made a mental list of those
renegade thoughts &/or emotions
which are starting to haunt me &
resurface to stare me in the eyes.

my greatest enemy... is me.

i shall leave you with snippets of a chat :

but if you really like her and think
she will be good for you, don't let her go.

but if i really like her, & this is not the life
she wants to live, i will have to let her go...
that is the reality of the situation.

b.