i guess life has a funny way
of throwing curve balls at you.
but i also guess life has a way
of catching you when those
curve balls throw you off guard.
catch 22?

i have met, invited & kept
so many wonderful people
in my life these days.
i can't help but feel blessed.
thank you for never judging
or letting me fall hard.
you've made my days & nights
so much more bearable.

lies, betrayl, abuse & hurt.
enough. 2006 will be better.

thank god this year is about
to come to a close.

b.

the greek word for wisdom is sophia.

b.

christmas is the time of year
you share with loved ones.
but more importantly...
christmas is the time of year
you share with yourself.

you sit quietly & reflect on
the year that has passed you by.
you either sigh & tell yourself
"thank god this year is over",
or very simply, if you're lucky,
"thank god".

you analyse the events of this year,
you laugh & you cry all over again.
you mentally make a mind map
of what you would like to see
in your coming year.
you close your eyes,
you cross your fingers,
you utter a prayer,
you make a wish...
that god would hear you.

someone who had her own
questions in her head
asked me about marriage.
& somehow, i knew what to say.
because for the first time this year,
i figured out what to think,
feel & react to it.

this christmas has taught me
when to say yes, when to say no.
& more importantly...
who to say yes to,
& who to say no to.

i could live my life hating you...
but that would mean growing up
to be exactly like you.

b.

i can't find the words to fully describe
what i'm feeling about today or the
last few days for that matter.

but i guess some things can't be
formulated by logic, or rationale,
or in good ol' black & white.

i just have this feeling in my heart,
a smile that wraps around my face,
a piece of heaven in my handphone,
chills that run down my spine, &,
a million thoughts swirling in my head.

but one thing's for sure...
i'll sleep easy tonight.

it's not a dream. it's fate.

b.

for the most of this year,
i've found myself wishing.
wishing my days away...
for all the wrong reasons.

today i brought out my "lil reds",
reserved for days with a happy heart.

so finally today it struck me,
like killer litter from ten floors up,
that right at this present moment.
i'm wishing my days away...
for all the right reasons.

i must've been really good this year,
because even after checking his list twice,
santa still decided to send me something
much more than i had even dared to dream
of for myself this christmas.

you're always fine.

b.

my four star words this season :
life. love. fate. choice.

i read about love... no actually,
about how people view love.
& i was thinking about how
i myself view / viewed love...
well, life & love & fate & choice.
especially since so much has
already been said & done.


boo on life.

life is about love, fate & choice.

life is about learning not to go
against the grain.

life is about lighting a candle.

life is about edging right into the wake,
standing tall, holding your handle close,
popping higher & bigger each time.


boo on love.

love is holding you tightly &
reminding you that you're human.
& that it's ok to be.

love is saying after a 3am sos call,
"no need to thank me my dear,
if losing sleep for an hour talking
to you could make you feel better,
i will lose more hours of sleep
just to talk to you."

love is the gentle kiss on the forehead,
& arms wrapped tightly around you
when you're shivering in a ball
trying to fight your demons.

love is playing a rent cd over & over
& over & over & over & over & over
again until your sibling comes in &
threatens to confiscate it.


boo on fate.

when you both meet even though
both of you weren't even meant
to be there that night.

when you meet in a little boat.

when you bump into old friends
after you've lost all their numbers
when your handphone drowned.

when you are blessed to meet
new friends who hold you up
instead of pull you down.


boo on choice.

when you finally pluck up enough
courage to choose to say "basta".

when you choose to smile at that
perfect stranger who's been gazing
in your direction the whole night.

when you decide that you are simply
going to close your eyes... & jump
(no, we're not talking suicide).

when you awake in the morning
& smile at the thought that it's
a brand new day.


well folks, so i guess it truly is...
starting to feel a lot like christmas.

b.

christmas came early for me...
christmas came early to greet me.
you see i'm walking with a kick
in my heels, cos...

christmas came early for me! :)

b.

all things happen for a reason, they say.
& though cynical, i believe them - don't ask.

yesterday came as one of those days.
the days you sit down & you contemplate
... about life, love, fate & choice.

& yesterday i choose to be bigger than this.
& i am living testimony that all we have to do
is to just simply be willing to stand ground.

i'm sick of useless, tupperware friends
(oh, i've got one in particular in my mind).
& you, continue having your bitchfests.
i'm not here for you to throw your bitch fits.
i can't handle your neurosis anymore.

i'm going to carefully remove the bubblewrap
off my sweetest dreams dreamt long ago,
packed & shelved away for you.

someone reminded me yesterday...
about la vie boheme, about la dolce vita.

*& i promised to have faith.

i guess it's true then...
that all things happen for a reason.

b.

hello world, i'm back...
from outer space.

ironic, close up tight
on the phone machine's
red light.

for all those who've...

loved, cared, called,
smsed, hugged, fed,
drank (virgin or not!),
danced, sang, msn-ed,
written, emailed, &/or
wakeboarded...

to/with/for me...
i appreciate & adore all
of you.

you have waited too long
for me to say...

hello world, i'm here to stay.

b.